On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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