That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
