I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
