Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
