ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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