I'm lost and stupid without you.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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