if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
