Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
