I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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