My sheets look like a crime scene.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
