it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
