Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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