My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
