i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
