i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he thought i was a dude.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
