I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize