Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
