i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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