I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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