If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
