Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
