I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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