Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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