I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
