When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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