I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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