Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We got so high we made milksteak
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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