I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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