As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
