that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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