I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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