Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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