your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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