Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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