32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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