So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
