Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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