There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The ass gains better be worth it
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