Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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