we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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