if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
