Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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