Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
