ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
