How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She just used a chaser for red wine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
