Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
