My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
