Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
