Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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