these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
