It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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