I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
