I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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