I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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