think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
