She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
