My friends, they love my intelligence
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
