My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
