Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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