So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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