i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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