ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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