I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
