I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
