So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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