My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
